Through Thom Tinted Lenses

July 22, 2012

LAUNDRY LIST OF BAD BEHAVIOR BY THOM REESE

Filed under: books,culture,entertainment — Thom Reese @ 4:29 am
Tags: , , ,

We are proud. We are strong. We overcome. We give to charity, help the poor, and stand up for the rights of the downtrodden. And then in our spare time we act like the same dumb beasts we’ve been since time eternal. Do you doubt me? If so, I invite you to scan this list of poor behavior and count how many you’ve encountered – or performed – this past week. No condemnation. Just fun. Let’s have a look.

Ignoring the person one’s with in favor of the much more interesting smart phone: How many times have you sat with someone – completely ignored – as they stare fixedly at their phone, texting, facebooking, tweeting, Googling, or any other number of ings?

Riding a 25 MPH scooter on a 45 MPH street: Honestly, stay to the side where you belong. That thing is not a Harley and you’re going to cause an accident as everyone tries to maneuver around you.

Pants hanging down to south of the equator: I’ve thought of this phenomenon for some time now and have determined that the only possible explanation is some sort of severe brain damage early in life. Really, does anyone actually think it’s cool to flash soiled boxers at the world? Besides, it makes these fools walk like penguins.

Ridiculous public displays of affection: We get it, you’re in love. Many of us are as well. But please, keep your tongue in your own mouth until you get home.

Texting while driving: Ah yes, back to our buddy the smart phone. This decade’s number one BFF. Trust me, the phone will not be offended if you set it down while you’re driving. In fact, the Surgeon General has determined that slamming into the back of an eighteen wheeler while texting can be hazardous to your health.

…And texting in a movie theater: No, this isn’t potentially lethal, but that constant glow is very annoying to the people sitting close by and likely to cause disruption of your service as the guy sitting behind you grinds your phone into the floor with his heel.

Racism: Really. If you’re still basing your impressions of a person on skin color, go back to where you belong and tell the 1950s I said hello when you get there. Time to move on, people. Expand your thinking. Finally pursue that GED. Join the human race. Buy a smart phone. That way some aspect of you will display intelligence.

Public smoking (cigar, cigarette, etc.): Let’s be honest. These things smell like burning, sweaty, fungus-laden gym socks. Even short exposure will cause the repugnant odor to stick to hair, clothes, everything in the room, and linger for hours. If you’re so unconcerned about your own health as to cling to this harmful and outdated habit, at least have the decency to keep it to yourself.

Companies that hire telephone customer service reps with English as a twenty-second language: “Hello! Hello! I can’t understand a word you’re saying. What? Sway the bull? Oh! Pay in full. Yes, yes, I will sway the bull.” Really? Give me that smart phone. I’ll pay online while navigating the freeway.

Overly aggressive drivers: I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how rude I was by activating my turn signal with the expectation that someone – anyone! – would allow me to merge. My fault. Next time I’ll make the entire twenty mile trip in the right lane just so I don’t inconvenience my fellow drivers.

The sock gremlin: I don’t know who this guy is, but he really gets on my nerves.

People with bad breath that insist on standing two inches from ones face: Unless you’re my wife, take a couple of steps back. I’ll hear you just fine.

Automated answering systems that initiate a fifteen minute gauntlet before a person can connect with a live customer service representative to ask a simple question: Whoever sets these things up should be forced to utilize the system for every call they make. Yes, including personal calls. “If you’d like to speak with your mother, press one. To reimburse your mother for years of frustration and financial difficulty, press two, to leave a belated Mother’s Day greeting press…”

Drunk drivers: If you want to have a good time, fine, that’s your right. Just don’t get behind the wheel of a vehicle.

Having an extended conversation with the grocery checker while a line of seventeen people waits: Step aside. Have a conversation with your smart phone. It’s lonely.

People who have nothing to say but just won’t shut up: No offence, but no one cares how you treat your laundry, where you bought your pants, or how you organize your closet. Buy a dog. Give it a smart phone.

People who write obnoxious blogs: Um… Oops!

 

AND NOW AN ANNOUNCEMENT!!

I’M VERY PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THE RELEASE OF MY NEW THRILLER, CHASING KELVIN!

Marc and Dana Huntington are back in an adventure that that will forever change their lives and rock them to the very core.

Government officials assassinated all about the globe. Seemingly unconnected terrorist attacks shake four continents. Former Delta Force commander Marc (Hunt) Huntington and his wife, ex British intelligence officer Dana, are thrust into the fray when they uncover a terrorist plot onboard a speeding train – a plot that might originate at the highest levels of U.S. government. Savagely attacked, Dana is caught in a web of conspiracy as an unwilling pawn. Hunt races against time to find the elusive cure to a deadly militarized bacterium before tens of thousands perish. What is the connection to the dozens of comatose forms secreted away in a concealed Swiss retreat? Is there a link to the Huntington’s bizarre find in the Amazon Jungle some months before? Will Dana escape nearly certain death?

Filled with breathtaking suspense and nonstop danger, this is a thriller you won’t put down until you’ve turned the final shocking page.

Check it out at: http://www.amazon.com/Chasing-Kelvin-ebook/dp/B008FRA2YY/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1341060846&sr=1-1&keywords=chasing+kelvin

Thom Reese is the author of CHASING KELVIN, DEAD MAN’S FIRE, THE DEMON BAQASH, 13 BODIES: SEVEN TALES OF MURDER AND MADNESS, and THE EMPTY. Thom was the sole writer and co-producer of the weekly audio drama radio program, 21ST CENTURY AUDIO THEATRE. Fourteen of these dramas have since been published for download by Speaking Volumes. A native of the Chicago area, Thom currently makes his home in Las Vegas.

CONTACT ME AT thomreeseauthor@yahoo.com for autographed copies or to get on my emailing list to receive notifications on new releases, special pricing, appearances, etc.

Check out the first Huntington adventure, DEAD MAN’S FIRE, at http://www.amazon.com/Dead-Mans-Fire-Thom-Reese/dp/1612320244/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1335623524&sr=1-1

LEARN THE SECRET of a strange race known as THE EMPTY at http://www.amazon.com/The-Empty-ebook/dp/B006UN0LJ6/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1342274358&sr=1-1&keywords=the+empty+by+thom+reese

SEE ALL OF MY BOOKS AND AUDIO DRAMAS: http://speakingvolumes.us/authors_ebooks.asp?pid=40

Copyright 2012 Thom Reese All Rights Reserved.

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2 Comments »

  1. Great list, Thom! I’m with you on everything except the low-hanging pants, as this is a vital form of expression in the gangsta community (not limited to that sub-culture, of course–I’m not profiling here) and serves an important social function. As you correctly point out, baggy pants make ambulation challenging, and running nearly impossible, especially when heavy artillery and/or shoplifted items weigh these garments down. In many instances, the pants impede the escape of a perpetrator, causing him or her to trip and fall or to lope along like a wounded gazelle. In other cases, the pants have been discarded, leaving behind valuable clues and other property, thus facilitating the apprehension of the eloper, who can then be returned to his or her natural habitat (i.e., cell).

    Comment by ien — July 22, 2012 @ 5:18 am | Reply


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